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Horizons

Experiências em inglês. Estória inspirada numa foto de Maria João Dias, traduzida por Sónia Oliveira. Imenso obrigado.




She was standing by the window when I arrived. I looked at her for a while, in silence. Then I told her: “I love you.” And I smiled, admiring how elegantly she turned to me. But the look she gave me had no surprise or joy. She looked pensive, distant; displeased. She didn’t smile. She said: “When you say you love me, you imprison me a little more. Because by saying it, what you really mean is to state your desire that I remain indefinitely as I am, so that you can keep on loving me. You want me immutable, frozen in an eternal moment; that’s what you love, that moment. I always thought that saying you loved someone is to deny this person the possibility of change, don’t you agree? But I don’t want to look at someone and feel trapped, conditioned. I want to look at someone, to look at you, and feel free. I want you to be the mirror of my freedom, of my possibility of change. I want you to be a window: when I look at you, I want to see a universe of possibilities, infinite horizons, the wide limitless sky. Don’t tell me you love me, ok? Tell me you want to be my window.” She stared at me for a while, in silence. Still pensive, even more distant. Then she turned and contemplated the world through the window; she forgot about me. I could have told her she was wrong, that it was quite the opposite; explain to her that each moment I discovered her once again, I discovered her anew, and every time I’d be blown away; as if I was seeing her for the first time, and each first time was even more intense, more overwhelming; explain that on each of these moments I loved her as if for the first time. But she kept looking through the window, interested in the infinite universes, showing no interest in me. Why should I say anything? After all, I’d only uttered three words and everything fell apart; a longer sentence could prove deadly. But so could silence. There was nothing left but to escape; and that’s why I moved closer to the window.